It has been almost exactly two years since I told my now ex-husband that I “think I might be gay”. Not really that long when you think about it. I live in a new world now wearing a new pair of (comfortable) shoes. There is still the occasional stone that gets stuck in there which varies from being slightly annoying to extremely painful. I wrote about waves of grief. It seems that they go away, but really they just slow down… spread out… and when they hit they can knock me down or just lap at my feet. (I’m just full ofmetaphors today – it must be the rain.)
I have been home for just over a week after sharing my one-person show No Gold Star at the Halifax Fringe Festival. It was part of a double bill with my friends who showed their play Unexpectedly Trans and we named the performance “Out Late”. Doing this show is a wonderful challenge – a personal, emotional challenge. Coming out on stage to a new group of strangers every evening. Not knowing if I am in a supportive space or not on any given show. Not knowing how I will be judged or accepted for each concept and idea that comes out of my mouth. Being out there all vulnerable, especially the first performance, hit me hard like I was starting coming out all over again. Luckily I have an amazing support system that kept me going after night one.
To be completely honest – it’s not the most fun I’ve had performing. It is fun at parts but it is also scary. But it feels important, it feels purposeful. The amount of people who have said “Thank you for telling this story”. So onward I go. Grateful that I have this story-telling thing that I do, and hoping that it can reach as many people who need to hear it as possible.