Month: January 2017

One year

It’s been one year since I came out on Facebook (thanks for the reminder, Facebook), and I almost feel normal.  I was at an event with some women from my support group about a month ago, and I expressed how I feel like I should still be coming to the group.  When I said that, they were surprised because they thought that now I was “out”, everything was fine.  Funny how we perceive people, I had the same thoughts in regards to “out” women when I was still “in”.

Yes, everything is better.  I am not hiding… not nearly as much at least.  I feel like I am finally getting some strength back.  Some strength to take risks, take on something new, maybe come out to some other random people – I don’t know.  But these things take time – I figure they probably take more time the older one gets.  I still am not out to everyone.  I still allow people to assume that I am straight… and single, when I feel it is easier to do so, or when I feel it’s not really their business.  That is fine by me – but there is some stress to it, some navigating.  I still find myself wondering if I’m being too gay, or acting too straight in any given scenario… how much of myself to I let out in this situation or that situation?

I think this is just me being new to it.  I think this is the norm for people who have been out for ages.  But it is definitely a process – a process I look forward to working through.  It does get easier for the most part.

Just a little Gaycation

I recently took a little trip to Ixtapa/Zihuatanejo Mexico with my girlfriend and a friend of ours.  A warm break to recharge the batteries.  This has been a destination for me and my family for the last 9 years.  The past two years I have gone with my girlfriend.  Travel now has the added risk of me being not just a woman, but a gay woman.  I have not yet learned how to entirely relax with this added layer, but I have been able to have moments.

As it turns out, there seems to be a small gay scene in Ixtapa/Zihua.  Last year we stumbled upon a drag show in Zihua near Zorro’s bar.  Years ago I had a drunk lesbian (Mexican) kiss me at at the same Zorro’s bar – quite suddenly, and I met another american Lesbian after dodging the first one. ( Unfortunately I was not attracted to either of them, so my sexual awakening had to wait till I was already married.)  This year we noticed little clusters of not-so-in-the-closet gays and lesbians – during the day and during the night in both Zihua and Ixtapa.  Seeing this was a relief.  I wasn’t so nervous to touch my girlfriend, be a bit less restrained.  We still would only hold hands when it seemed we were alone or in safe company – but it was something.

So I would like to encourage all you gay travellers to check out Ixtapa and Zihuatanejo.  Make it a little more gay.  I’d like to see some more hand holders next time I visit.